We can so easily become addicted

to the games we play

in order to collect tiny morsels of acceptance.

These are futile games

of measuring risk and reward

clenching your fists

around the reins that tame your wild heart.

Carefully calculating

every word that escapes your lips

every emotion that seeps through your pores

every move your body makes

squeezing them all into a tiny box

that gives the illusion of safety.

There is a hunger for this kind of safety and security

that requires feverish effort to sustain.

How can you mold yourself into what is

lovable

acceptable

and what you believe

makes everyone else more comfortable?

What lies do you need to tell yourself

and everyone around you

to stay small?

We abandon and reject ourselves

in attempt to prevent

being abandoned and rejected by others

and call it love.

This is not love.

This is not nourishment.

You are throwing scraps to the hungry wolves inside you

and they are ready to devour you.

Can you even feel yourself anymore?

After creating the minefield of all the things

you can and cannot say

the things you can and cannot feel

and still be deemed worthy

what is left of you?

You’ve traded your wholeness

for a fractured caricature of a ‘good’ person.

You cannot outrun who you truly are

you cannot will yourself into a healed state

and you are dying a slow death by trying.

How safe do you feel now?

Now that you know you’ve been plotting your own execution?

What will you do about it?

You cannot clean a wound

with the blood that has been spilled

nor can you wipe your tears

when you are alone

and drowning in their salty waters.

Build a funeral pyre for every version of yourself that is not the Truth;

the nice one

the unworthy one

the wounded one

the accommodating one

the victimized one

the appropriate one

every one that wear a distorted mask

and suffocates you with each passing day.

Light it with the fire in your belly

that you so carefully contain

the fire in your eyes

that you’ve tried to dim

the fire in your heart

that is burning with and for love.

Invite everyone you love

to dance around the fire with you

with bare feet

and open hearts.

Say a prayer

and watch them burn

down to a pile of ashes.

Feel it tearing you into pieces

then watch the phoenix spread her fiery wings.

String the bones left behind around your neck

to remind you

of what death feels like

and what birth feels like.

Remember who you are

and remember to die

whenever you need

so that you may live.