We can so easily become addicted
to the games we play
in order to collect tiny morsels of acceptance.
These are futile games
of measuring risk and reward
clenching your fists
around the reins that tame your wild heart.
every word that escapes your lips
every emotion that seeps through your pores
every move your body makes
squeezing them all into a tiny box
that gives the illusion of safety.
There is a hunger for this kind of safety and security
that requires feverish effort to sustain.
How can you mold yourself into what is
and what you believe
makes everyone else more comfortable?
What lies do you need to tell yourself
and everyone around you
to stay small?
We abandon and reject ourselves
in attempt to prevent
being abandoned and rejected by others
and call it love.
This is not love.
This is not nourishment.
You are throwing scraps to the hungry wolves inside you
and they are ready to devour you.
Can you even feel yourself anymore?
After creating the minefield of all the things
you can and cannot say
the things you can and cannot feel
and still be deemed worthy
what is left of you?
You’ve traded your wholeness
for a fractured caricature of a ‘good’ person.
You cannot outrun who you truly are
you cannot will yourself into a healed state
and you are dying a slow death by trying.
How safe do you feel now?
Now that you know you’ve been plotting your own execution?
What will you do about it?
You cannot clean a wound
with the blood that has been spilled
nor can you wipe your tears
when you are alone
and drowning in their salty waters.
Build a funeral pyre for every version of yourself that is not the Truth;
the nice one
the unworthy one
the wounded one
the accommodating one
the victimized one
the appropriate one
every one that wear a distorted mask
and suffocates you with each passing day.
Light it with the fire in your belly
that you so carefully contain
the fire in your eyes
that you’ve tried to dim
the fire in your heart
that is burning with and for love.
Invite everyone you love
to dance around the fire with you
with bare feet
and open hearts.
Say a prayer
and watch them burn
down to a pile of ashes.
Feel it tearing you into pieces
then watch the phoenix spread her fiery wings.
String the bones left behind around your neck
to remind you
of what death feels like
and what birth feels like.
Remember who you are
and remember to die
whenever you need
so that you may live.