a pause in the silence

I love the silence and stillness of a snow covered forest.  It creates space for a pause, for permission to turn inward and wade around in the void for a while.  It pulls me away from screens and busyness and out of my head and gets me back into my own supple body, and into the arms of the supple body of the earth.

I visited a spot today where I spent many of my days a couple winters back steeped in grief and sadness.  I unloaded so much of what I was holding into the earth as both a desperate need to be free of what I was feeling, and as a gift – tears and and grief are a sacred offering.  Still, I always felt like I was taking so much more than I was ever able to give back.  It is interesting to sit in that same spot 2 years later – feeling much lighter, with fresh new eyes, with a deeper connection to myself, and yet also seeing the pain spots that still exist within me.

Healing happens in relationship – this can be in relationship to our own bodies, to others, to plants, to our ancestors, and to the earth (the ultimate ancestor).  Relationships challenge us – they challenge our beliefs, our status quo, all the things we hold onto so tightly.  They hold up a mirror to show us what we cannot see on our own.  They show us what needs tending, they poke at wounds and patterns and force us to look at them.  They hold us up while we fall apart, and provide safe space to mend.  This can show up in relationship with chronic illness, with lovers, with friends, with family, with plant medicine, with literally every person we encounter.

This relationship I have with the earth is one I cherish dearly – it is a passionate love affair, and an old and wise familial bond.  It teaches me the cycles of life and death. I grieve its pain and live in awe of its beauty.  It has treated me with a fierce gentleness and soft sternness.  It allows me to feel into the interconnectedness of all things, to know that my body and spirit not separate from its own – I hold its wisdom and memories in my bones, and it is where I come from and where I will return to.  I will forever remain in reverence, in devotion, and committed to this sacred relationship.

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